Getting Old Is Interesting...Despite What You Think

Its the weekend and I have no plans of doing anything whatsoever. I've been told by The Duchess that I am in danger of becoming an old cat lady at the tender age of twenty-something (I do love cats). 

The Duchess thinks I'm getting old too fast because I'd rather watch TV/movies and/or read a book than go out and socialize. I am not sure if this is a sign of me getting old, or she is just discovering my normally anti-social behavior. I hardly ever go to parties anymore--and when I do consider going out, a slight change of plans has me reconsidering.

I blame part of it on working. Now that I do the Monday to Friday, 9-5 thing, I treasure my weekends dearly! For anything to take me away from "lazying around" my house and enjoying the freedom of a work free day, this thing has to be a major deal. There's a party every week, why is that special enough to drag me away from my comfy bed and sweatpants?

Another reason is probably the fact that I feel like my life is pretty stable right now. I have my family, my friends, a job, a place to live, and money to spend. I don't think there is much else that I need. I LOVE that my life is drama free. I don't believe that I have to have a screenplay worthy story to tell at all times. I like things the way they are, and my behavior is very "laid back" because of this. I guess this is what The Duchess sees.

I AM enjoying myself and my youth--just not the way the movies & TV tell us we are supposed to. I like not having too many responsibilities, not having to answer to anyone but myself, no kids or husband to worry about. Just me.

Someone asked me what I have to blog about. My answer, "being normal". This isn't a TV show on The CW. I am a real person and my blog is reflective of this. If you want drama you need to check elsewhere. I could regale everyone with stories of my "glory days", but that is old news. I like me now.

In other news, I am taking a vacation next weekend to go hang out in another city and reconnect with my second home. Its been a while!

I also wanna congratulate Alpa Chino on his recent resume upgrade. While he is here, I'm gonna try and convince him of how awesome we are on the East Coast. Jay-Z didn't write a song about NY for nothing, lol.

Letter To Some of My Ex-Boyfriends/Hookups (Re-release)

I previously wrote this note on Facebook, but I am about to delete the note from my Facebook profile. So, I have decided to share this with members of Blogsville who do not have the HONOR of being on my friend's list, I also made some changes. Enjoy.

Dear Sir,

It has come to my attention that you have moved on with your life after our relationship. I am glad that you are not being adversely affected by the fact that I am no longer in your life, and it pleases me very much to see that you now have a new girlfriend (or even boyfriend, if you have finally come out of the closet--you know who you are).

It is on this subject of "moving on" that I would like to speak with you. You see, when I moved on it was a move to someone better.

When I say better--I am speaking purely about facial characteristics and nothing else. I am not talking about IQ, morals, etc. He is great in all these aspects, but he is very very appealing from the neck up. He is not one of those "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" types.

I would now like to ask why you did not decide to make the same choice? In moving on, why did you not find someone better for your next partner?

It pains me everyday to see your pictures because everyone can see that she is facially challenged. In fact, I must insist that you stop uploading pictures of the two of you on Facebook, as my computer has begun to suffer severely from the images. I am not sure how much longer I can convince my laptop not to send you a virus simply to avoid the torture.

I would like to think I had some sort of positive effect in your life, but I cannot continue to do so if you remain with her.

As a species, we should be moving forward. I do not believe that when you break up with someone your next partner should be uglier than the previous one. It is wrong on so many levels.

I consider you my friend, and even though it did not work out between us I learned some things from you. Now, I am returning the favor. You deserve better, afterall you were with me for a while. It is disturbing to think that she is the best you can do. If you need help in finding an upgrade, please let me know. I give great advice!

Sincerely,

Your Ex.


Note: Feel free to share this with the appropriate person/people--IF it applies to you. It can only apply to you if there is UNIVERSAL consensus that your exes' new partner is facially challenged. This isn't a "hater" letter, it was written out of genuine concern for anyy exes who now have facially challenged partners.
 

Honesty vs. Loyalty?

I was having a conversation with The Duchess (real name withheld) who recently went through a break up. She told me, that while she was with the guy she had always thought he was not up to her "standards of intelligence". I find this hilarious because when she was with the guy, and I told her that I didn't think he was very "smart", she had a HUGE argument with me about how "smart" he was and how I shouldn't judge another person's intelligence based on my criteria. I had declared the guy "pas très futé" based on the fact that he didn't understand one of my favorite movies of all time--Watchmen.

My question is, when is it okay to put loyalty on hold and just be honest? For The Duchess, she was loyal even though she knew I was speaking the truth. But think about it. When do you decide that enough is enough and just tell the person straight up; that they are constantly mispronouncing that word, or that their habit of giving you cute nicknames constantly pisses you off. Much as I would LOVE to live in such an "honest" world. I sincerely doubt that I could handle it. Obviously I need to hear the truth every once in a while, but in the long run, we are all better off this way--or are we?

Forget relationships. Think about loyalty to your country. My grandmother, whom I referred to in a previous post, passed away earlier this week. I said I would "disown" Nigeria when it happened and I meant it. But, people have told me not to be "too hasty" in making my decision. Apparently they do not see me as having enough justification to abandon Nigeria. I am not going to go into details of how my grandmother died, but there was enough of a connection between her death and the abysmal situation there that I have decided never to set foot in that place again.

I am not the only one who has lost someone because of that place, but I am one of the few who have decided to sever all ties and wipe their hands clean of the country. I know people who have just spent the last 5 months out of school because of a strike and yet are still "Proudly Naija". I just want to ask--are you not angry? Is the situation there REALLY to your liking or are you just putting up a brave face so that the rest of us don't see how miserable you really are? Can you just be honest and admit that place REALLY SUCKS?

You can be loyal to your country as much as you want, but I firmly believe there is a limit to how much everyone can take. If you don't have a limit then there is a problem somewhere!

In case you were wondering, I am still going to write blog posts about Nigeria. But--the posts will be dedicated to bashing the country with a vigor previously unseen on EDJ. So, if you have come over to the dark side then follow this blog. I really hope people try to defend that place--it should be interesting.

I'm A Nigerian--For As Long As My Grandmother Lives.

I have two different questions. I just want to understand: "Why did you move to the US?" OR If you are old enough to make this decision for yourself then I have a different question: "Why are you still here?"

Parents bring their children here and then they are annoyed/disappointed when their child ends up with an American (black or white) or when their child begins to adopt "American philosophies". What did they expect to happen?

Or, there are the people in my generation who live here and at every turn complain about the way things are. If you don't like it, leave!

My favorite complaints:

1. Americans are stupid: yet they have managed to survive and continue to do better than Nigeria. I wonder how that works? If you are smarter then why cant you fix things back home?
   
2. Americans are arrogant: this is true to a certain extent, but they have had reason for arrogance in the past. It is only recently that the world has begun to catch up/surpass the US. It is going to take a while for reality to sink in. Leave them be. Focus on the issues back home.
   
3. Americans are racist: and you are not? Nigerians have a strong love of "in-breeding"! Even people who speak the same language will refuse to marry from another state for some idiotic reason. Both Nigerians and Americans need to change.
4. Americans have no morals: Right! Because Nigeria is a moral leader in the world. Just because we have more churches than homes in Nigeria does not mean that we are "morally upright".

I know why I'm here. I'd rather "suffer" here than "enjoy" in Nigeria. Why are you here?

I write this with my grandmother in Nigeria slowly and painfully dying from cancer because the Nigerian medical system is a piece of crap--something you should all know before anyone comes here to "defend" Nigeria.

I don't understand how some of you remain so proud of that place. I know someone reading this is thinking that I should "do something" about it, instead of complaining. My answer: "Do what? What could I do that would make a difference when I do not have the millions of naira necessary to bribe my way to success?".

So, I've made a decision. My grandmother is the last tie I had to that place. When she dies--I'm done. Good luck with that country. I wish all the "naijalovers" the best. In fact, if you do succeed with improving the country then congratulations.

I used to joke that I was saving my Nigerian passport in case something terrible happened in the US, but you know what? I'd rather stay here or find another country to move to. Canada sounds good.

Music Is Not Reality...

I know that people are always bashing rap and hip-hop for making young men think that being "hood" is the way to go. But, when will people start bashing other music genres for giving people unrealistic expectations?

I was shopping the other day, and I entered a store to hear the Backstreet Boys "Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely" being played. I heard the song  and immediately had a flash back to when I was about 13 years old. Back then, I used to listen to the Backstreet Boys and fantasize about a guy repeating their lyrics to me in various romantic situations. Can you imagine how detrimental that is? To think love is a Backstreet Boys song or music video? I know that most teenagers do this, but my problem is that there are people out there who still have this mentality when they get older. I see it all the time on Facebook. I have friends whose status updates constantly resemble songs. In fact, one day when I have time, I am going to compile their status updates into one song and post the lyrics here.

Do you have that friend that you can always tell is going through something in their relationship because of his/her Facebook status or Tweets? Send me their updates! Maybe we can write a hit single.

Some of my favorite updates which can be tied to unrealistic expectations set by music:

1. "I can't believe he did this to me! Why do men have to walk all over my heart?" **EDJ solution: maybe you should stop being so EMO and leave men alone for a while!
2. "I'm searching for that special someone. Why can't I find him/her?" **EDJ solution: stop posting updates online, go out in the real world and look carefully.
3. "I broke up with my boyfriend/girlfriend and I am sad" **EDJ solution: go out with your friends--that is, if you didn't alienate all of them because you were in a relationship.
4. "I am arguing with my boyfriend/girlfriend and I hope he/she sees this status so that he/she can know how mad I am" **EDJ solution: please spare us your drama! Go and tell the person to their face and stop all this e-fighting.
   
5. "I am so awesome & good looking that I have haters" **EDJ solution: you have haters because you put up status updates like this! It is not about your "awesomeness".
   
6. "I bet you think this status is about you". **EDJ solution: since it probably IS about me, why don't you just tell me what you are REALLY trying to say?
7. "The guy I thought was awesome turned out to be a d-bag, sigh" **EDJ solution: be happy you know the truth and move on! 
8. "We broke up and I want the whole world to know that I am FINE" **EDJ solution: you are probably NOT fine, so take some time off and focus on yourself for a bit.
9. "We are so in love right now! I have the best boyfriend/girlfriend ever" **EDJ solution: since this is most likely NOT true, why don't you stop showing off so that the rest of us don't laugh at your breakup later?
   
10. "Random quote from Keyshia Cole, Usher, or some other sad song about relationships" **EDJ solution: stop thinking you're in a music video. This is real life. Grow up.

There's more, but I think this is enough for now. Don't forget to send me those status updates so I can work on the song. lol.