What I Am Thankful For...10 Things.

With Thanksgiving around the corner, and in no particular order, here is a list of people and things that I am thankful for.

1. Graduating college: I am still grateful for this, despite the fact that this is probably one of the worst years to be in the job market with a new degree. But, if you think about it, at least you don't have to deal with the massive tuition hikes that are happening at many colleges & universities. To the Class of 2009--we made it! Go forth and prosper.
   
2. Family: I will always be grateful for them--because they are practically obligated to put up with me during my moments of madness. We all get on each others' nerves from time to time--and I am still plotting my escape from the family home--but they will always be my family.
3. Old Friends: These people have been with me for years. I am thankful that I have them in my life and I hope they know it! Especially: Mogaji, The Duchess, Alpa Chino, and Night Owl.
   
4. New Friends: For the "New In 09" crew. I hope our friendships last and I can add you guys to the preceding category next year.
5. Lost Friends: These are people I no longer have in my life for one reason or another. I learned something from all of them despite our falling out, so I am thankful for that. I am not going to say I hope we become friends again in the future, because quite honestly--its not that serious.
6. My Grandmother: I lived with her for my last few years in Nigeria before moving to the US. She died in October and she was the last living grandparent I had. She helped shape the women my sister and I have become, because she was there during our teenage years when our mother could not be. May her soul rest in peace.
7. Growing Older: I am never going to lament over the aging process--at least not with any amount of seriousness. I actually look forward to getting older and wiser because I firmly believe the best is yet to come.
   
8. Work: for keeping my time occupied and my bank account flush with cash. I can do all the fun and expensive things I like to do like: travel, shop, eat, etc.
   
9. A New Year: I know we still have to finish 2009, but I am already looking forward. It will be my first full year away from school and living in the "real world". I am going to make the most of it.
10. Me: vain as this may sound. I am giving myself a pat on the back. We all have to do this from time to time. I have come far (with help, of course) and I still have a long road ahead, but the journey has been good. So, thank goodness for me.

Girls In White Dresses....

It seems I am slowly becoming part of a minority. I am already a black female so I am not sure why fate is deciding to play such a cruel joke on me. I am talking, of course, of my fingers--which are currently unencumbered by a ring of any kind.

Faithful readers, it seems that many people took Beyonce at her word about putting a ring on it, and I am gearing up to attend many "exciting" weddings in the coming year. I am not sure my budget can sustain the dresses and gifts that these events will require.

I am surprised though, at the number of people who are getting engaged post-graduation. Just yesterday another one bit the dust and up went a profile picture of her ring. This ring made her the "happiest woman alive". She probably remained in that state till she realized the amount of work her wedding would require.

Luckily for me, my parents (and by that I mean my Mom since my Dad doesn't deal with "woman issues") are not putting any pressure on me whatsoever to get married. I know you are wondering, are my parents really Nigerian? Yes, they are. My mother appears ADAMANTLY OPPOSED to the idea of marriage (see how she is being a hypocrite? clearly she is still married to my dad, unless there is something she isn't telling us).

As a female, it is my duty to have my wedding/marriage planned out before I even find a boyfriend. So, dutifully, I submit...EDJ's Marriage Plans.

1. Start med. school.
   
2. Find a man to marry and buy me a big fat diamond ring that can be seen from space. The ring budget is going to surpass everything else on this list.
3. Notify parents of decision and listen to my mother warn me of the pitfalls of marriage, especially if I haven't finished med. school yet.
4. Decide whether wedding should be before or after med. school graduation.
5. Find nearest courthouse and obtain marriage license, then notify bridesmaids of their selection.
6. Pick bridesmaids outfits: i.e. jeans and their choice of t-shirt.
7. Pick groomsmen outfits: i.e. jeans and their choice of t-shirt.
8. Make group reservation at nearest Applebees (so the hubby doesn't miss the game).
   
9. Sign documents in front of judge with family and close friends as witnesses.
10. Retire to Applebees to make merry. No open bar, and you pay for what you order, but free hot wings & soda for everyone!
11. End of Wedding Day. Go home and begin baby-making process. Unless still in med school or first two years of residency, finally give up on birth control. Otherwise, use protection.

Very straightforward and all very doable within a week. No long waiting period required. Why is my wedding so cheap? Because I plan to have the huge diamond duh! An engagement ring should cost two months pay (at least according to DeBeers). So here's hoping this mystery man is earning a lot!

Also, am I not being a considerate bride by having my bridal party wear outfits they already own? See? Everyone saves money!

Of course these plans may change at some point. But for now, this is the plan.

This Week in EDJ Complaints....

1. iPhone Apps: There is an iPhone app called iPeriod. Guess what it is for. Just in case you weren't sure why you were leaking all that blood (disgusting, I know) now your iPhone can tell you. My pregnant co-worker actually has this app and it says: "Your period is late"...well thanks for that newsflash! If your phone ever ends up in the wrong hands (say your mom) and you forgot to update your "flow" days, imagine the panic attack she is going to have!
   
2. Slow people on the MTA: If you EVER visit NYC, then PLEASE walk quickly. If you cannot walk quickly, then by all means GET OUT OF THE WAY so that those of us with places to go can get there on time. I know you think the roof at Grand Central is oh so lovely, but I need to be on that Metro North train so I don't miss Vampire Diaries. K? Also, if you are buying a ticket and the ticket machines are wayyyy too "confusing" for you--that is why those people sit behind the glass at the train station. Just go there, buy your ticket, and stop hogging the machines.
3. Arrogant Boys: For the males out there who believe that they are God's gift to women, I have news for you. Only your mommy really believes that. Don't believe me? Get an honesty box on your Facebook profile and see what happens. Speaking of Facebook...
   
4. Over-Repping Jesus on Facebook: PLEASE, stop updating your status with shout outs to the Almighty. I am not talking about simple things like "Thank God for today" or "God bless my family & friends". I am talking about those status updates that you read and assume that the person is talking about some guy they are in love with, then you realize that it is actually about Jesus and you feel bad for not thinking it was about Jesus in the first place. Facebook Christians, get a grip! I am not even sure God would approve of Facebook in the first place! Think of all the divorces it has led to, and goodness knows what else.
5. Over-Repping Yourself on Facebook: We all know you love you. But some of us may not love you as much, so please spare us the self-promoting status messages. Whenever I see one of these "I am so awesome" updates, I am more likely to wonder what bad thing happened to you that day than to congratulate you on your supposed awesomeness. Facebook is not a confidence building tool. In the same vein, please stop "Liking" your own status. There are times when I craft the perfect update and I am sorely tempted to "Like it". But, I don't. Because I don't want to look like an iPhone using douchebag. You shouldn't either.
6. MSN.com: My MSN homepage has had my weather city listed as Reston, VA for the past month or so. No matter how many times I change it, it remains the same. Apparently MSN is coming up with a new home page that is supposedly better. To me it just looks like they changed the background and re-arranged some stuff. Either way, the weather city better damn well be correct this time.
7. High Maintenance Women With Small Paychecks: I know someone who makes $11/hour and wants: $70 manicures, $300 weaves, a $1000/mth apartment, a $150 monthly phone plan, AND vacations every couple of weeks. How does she manage? By putting it all on her credit card, duh! If you wanna live like a celebrity, you better damn well make money like a celebrity too.
8. Lou Dobbs Left CNN: my only complaint...what the hell took him so long?!
9. Glenn Beck Still Has A TV Show: 'nuff said.
10. I Have To Wait Till Thanksgiving Week To See 2012: because I promised The Duchess. She better be grateful!
    

Some Things Are Just So...

First, just because I'm black doesn't mean I have (or should have) any inclination to waste my hard earned money on movies such as: "Precious", "Good Hair", or even worse--anything by Tyler Perry. I just wanted to get that out of the way. I was supposed to go to the movies today with some "sistas" from work. Unfortunately we could not agree on what movies to see, so I decided to stay home--for the exact same reason that I only watch BET when "The Game" is on.

Then, my eyes and ears were ASSAULTED by this example of plain stupidity from Nigerians.

Nigerians...here is a trailer for a new "movie" titled "Open Relationship".
I was dumbstruck when I saw it. Even worse, someone actually commented on YouTube that they are looking forward to the movie. It was probably one of the "actors" (and I use that term VERY LOOSELY). The whole movie looks like it was shot in one house, in one day, with one fully charged camcorder borrowed from the school library. I am REALLY hoping it is a joke. If you know any of the people in this "movie", it is now time to disown them. Maybe they are trying to copy "Heart Of Men", the Ghanaian movie that caused all that drama. But then, why am I not surprised? If there is one thing Nigerians excel at, it is taking another person's idea and bastardizing it.

I don't even know how much money the women were paid (if any) in this whole project, but the only person worth getting naked with in the entire movie is the guy in the white-tee around the 1:55 mark (and that is my first and last positive remark about this movie).

The acting is so BAD. Jesu! Then, there are people in the movie whom I fondly refer to as "Visa miss road" types. No-one is ever sure how these people passed the English Language requirement of the naturalization process. Do you hear the undiluted razzness in the first 20 seconds of the movie? When the guy says "we just had sex, friends have sex"...why did the girl "have sex" with him in the first place?...WTF. Oh, and the music from the trailer reminds me of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers from the 90's (Go Go Power Rangers!!)

Anyway, I shouldn't bash them too much. Judging from what I've seen in Nigerian movies, majority of the "actors" in this movie may have an illustrious career ahead of them in Nollywood. All they have to do is bring their fake a** "American" accents and soon they will be giving Jim Iyke a run for his money.

I shudder to think what Nigerians in Nigeria will say after watching this trailer. People will point to it as evidence of Nigerians abroad being "corrupted" by Western ideas. This of course is nonsense. Why? Because majority of the guys in the movie are clearly FOPs (Fresh Off the Plane). Evidence: at the 1:30 mark the man says "you are killing me with that eyes". FOP? Check! Visa miss road? Check!