"You'll Be Just Fine." My 2010 Gift To You

How To Have A Drama Free 2010

The title of this post was my slogan for 2009 thanks to Alpa Chino. I have mentioned in the past that 2009 was a good year, and part of the reason for that was my adoption of this drama eradication method.

Let me explain its origins. Alpa Chino was living his life as usual trying to survive like the rest of us. One day while mulling over recent events in his life, he came up with the answer to his problems. He realized that many of the things and/or people that were "bothering" him and seemed to be big issues were actually not that serious. Alpa Chino had realized that he would be "Just Fine", like Mary J. Blige, and so would the people involved in the "drama".

Having reached this realization, he began to use "You'll Be Just Fine" in situations where this response was needed. Some examples below:

Statement: I'm never going to get over what you did!/I can't believe you did that!

Response: You'll Be Just Fine.

Statement: I have feelings for you, why don't you return the sentiment?

Response: You'll Be Just Fine.

Statement: My boyfriend/girlfriend left me and I have been depressed for the last month.

Response: You'll Be Just Fine.

You can see the multitude of possibilities for using this response. In fact some of you may already be using it! I urge non-users to get on board. You will find yourself feeling less stressed! The secret is to say it and mean it. Once you tell someone they will be just fine you must believe this and move on. The whole point is to keep things moving on the path you want. No more getting hung up on unnecessary drama.


I will warn you though, sometimes there is a downside to using this "drama eradication method". It can make you seem a bit uncaring. However, we must all make some sacrifices to better ourselves. You must be prepared to lose a few people along the way, but this will benefit you in the end.

Personally, after a year of applying this method I have become a much different person. Someone told me that I act as if I "don't give a flying f*ck" (actual quote) and I consider this a compliment. The ease and speed with which I managed to eradicate these "problem spots" is what made that person say I act as if I don't care.

Before you think I am callously and carelessly making my way through life--this is not true. I have simply managed to remove many elements in my life that were causing me unnecessary stress or involving me in unnecessary drama.

I know quite a few people who could use this method in their lives. You can tell by the constant drama surrounding them. Of course some of them simply love the attention this generates, but if you are genuinely trying to cut back on stress in 2010 then try this method.

In a few years, most of the events currently going on in our lives will seem inconsequential and our present worrying will seem funny to our older selves. So, why not reach that realization now and save yourself the grey hair? Tell that problem/person that it/they will be just fine and move on!

This is my gift to you for 2010. Embrace it.

Disclaimer: Thanks to Enoch, I have seen a fatal (literally) flaw in the method. Do not use this method for the terminally ill. You have been warned.

Man = Water, Woman = Clay

A Lesson in Analogies

I was talking to Mogaji the other day and we were discussing relationships. More specifically, how terrible it is that a woman puts time and energy into "molding" a man to suit herself--only to have all her hard-work wasted if the relationship doesn't work out. We likened it to working on clay to make yourself the perfect ceramic piece, only to have all that work taken away to hang on the mantle of another woman.

But, as I thought about it I realized that men are not like clay at all. They are actually like water. Water takes the shape of whatever container it is stored in, and once you pour water out of the container it returns to being shapeless (for lack of a better word). When a man is in a relationship, he takes whatever shape the woman needs (if he cares enough) and allows her to continue under the assumption that she is "molding" him (again, if he cares enough). But, when the relationship ends the water is poured out of the container and moves on to whatever is next. The water may not be as clean as it once was, but filtration and purification can always restore it. What do you do if you want water to remain permanently in the shape of your "container"? You freeze it and never allow it to melt a.k.a marrying the poor guy. Divorce is what happens when the ice melts.

Why are women like clay/ceramic? Because once we are "molded" and put in the kiln to harden--that is pretty much it. I can even take this analogy of mine further and add that you can't mold clay without water. When a woman is in a relationship, the changes/events that happen during that time make an impact and aren't easily reversible. Ceramic needs to be handled with care. If it breaks you can use glue and put the pieces back together, but things are never the same after that.

Water is plain, simple, uniform, and uncomplicated. Ceramic pieces take a lot of work to create, and they come in all sorts of variations.

I want to know if you agree with my analogy and/or have suggestions. I am sure some women will get upset at the idea that I view our gender as being as vulnerable as a ceramic vase. I am not sure why so many females have an issue with sometimes being vulnerable. I am also sure some men will take issue with the idea that I see their gender as being so quick to "move on". They probably have stories of men who have been genuinely devastated by a break up. However, I say to both groups of people, there are exceptions to every rule. There are women that are like water, and men that are like clay.

The Journal of Life Genetics, Volume 1.

A Scientific Journal Paper by EDJ.

Parent-Child Separation Syndrome (PCSS)

What is PCSS? PCSS is a disease caused by the enzyme GrowUpandLeaveHomease (GULHase). The genetic code for the production of this enzyme is found on the GULH gene on Chromosome 23.5 (the invisible chromosome). This gene is activated at the onset of puberty--though it may be later for some people--and the activation of this GULH gene leads to the production of GULHase (GrowUpandLeaveHomease). People who lack the GULH gene have the LiveOffMomandDad (LOMD) replacement gene.



Symptoms of PCSS:

1. Offspring feel an overwhelming urge to move far away from their parents.
2. Offspring experience moments where they seriously question their biological connection to parents i.e. wondering if they were adopted at birth.
   
3. Offspring make up reasons not to visit for holidays.
4. When they DO visit, offspring spend more time on the phone and computer with friends than they do talking to parents.
5. Offspring have given up trying to convince parents that they are NOT babies anymore, and have resigned themselves to nodding their heads at parental suggestions--then doing things their own way anyway.
6. Parents have lost some of their "untouchability" which previously offered some protection from offspring scrutiny. Offspring no longer view parents as demi-gods, and have realized that parents are not always right when giving "life advice".
7. Offspring are constantly getting into mini-arguments with parents because their societal views are very different from that of the offspring.
   

There are other less severe symptoms, but the above listed are the most common. Patients with the GULH gene suffer from some (if not all) of these symptoms. This disease is widespread among offspring above the age of 16, although it sometimes manifests at a younger age.

Treatment
PCSS is an incurable disease, however the effects can be lessened by prolonged absences from parents. In fact, studies have shown that in offspring who live away from home, the effects of PCSS have been reduced by 90%. That number can be increased to 98% for offspring living across state lines from parents. However, due to recent economic problems, we have seen a rise in PCSS as offspring are forced to move back with their parents to save money. Unfortunately, this will remain the case until these offspring can move away from home once again.

Additional Notes
Little can be done for mutants with the LiveOffMomandDad (LOMD) gene. For these unfortunate individuals, maturity is never reached and the effects of the LOMD gene are severe and can take years to dissipate. In some males the LOMD leads to a very serious case of MammasBoy. This is a terrible disease which causes the alienation of possible female mates. Sufferers of MammasBoy have been known to remain single long past the rest of their age group. In females, excessive exposure to the LOMD gene has been known to lead to Spinsteritis, another terrible disease which also leads to the alienation of possible mates.

Conclusion
It is my belief that the effects of PCSS are not to be interfered with. In fact PCSS is a natural process that is vital to the growth and development of every child. Parents have been known to try various methods to block the effects of PCSS. Methods such as yelling and/or giving ultimatums have been tried by parents, but these only serve to increase the effects of GULH and thus increase the occurence of PCSS symptoms. Parents are urged to REFRAIN from blocking PCSS from occurring--unless these parents plan to take care of their children long past the age when it is socially acceptable.

PS: We at The Journal of Life Genetics have fully mapped out Chromosome 23.5. There are other genes on this chromosome which shall be of great interest to you. Our next entry shall be about the DoucheBaggery (DB) gene

What I've Been Up To

I am happy to announce that yours truly found another job. I will be starting in about a week. My soon to be former job was fine, for a while, but I needed to be somewhere where I had more interest in the company AND I would be getting a bigger paycheck. At this new job, I have more responsibility and more freedom to manage myself. I also move into a higher tax bracket (lucky me). It is an upgrade by all accounts.

In other news, I have finalized my plans for New Year's Eve. What will you be doing? It will be my second New Year's Eve away from my family (if my mother doesn't chain me to my bed to prevent me from going). I will not be "partying" my way into 2010. But, I will watch the ball drop in Times Square on the flatscreen in the "luxury resort hotel" room where I will be spending that weekend. If the website for this hotel is to be believed, I am in for an awesome time. Mimosas at check-in? Count me in!

As part of my goal to be fiscally responsible now that I have money to be fiscally responsible with, I have invested in a copy of Quicken accounting software. It is actually very useful, and if you are always wondering where your money goes, then you should get a copy. Or I can send you one--for a fee. Apparently I am big on shopping (newsflash) and I eat out a lot. I didn't know how much all this was affecting my account balance until I saw the information in a pie-chart. I need to cut back--or maybe with this new job I won't have to. Lol.

I am STILL working on writing stories for the short stories section. I know I said they would be "coming soon" but it is taking me a bit longer than I thought to get into the fiction writing "groove". It has been a while since I wrote an actual story so please bear with me.

Finally, I wrote a new Op-Ed. Check it out and tell me what you think. I know I haven't written one in almost two months, but life has been interfering! This whole blog updating thing is much harder than I thought! 

Its December! 2009 Isn't Over Yet.

However, judging by recent status updates on Facebook, people are already looking to 2010. I have stuff to look forward to in 2010--like my first full year away from prison...ahem...college.

I wonder what people look forward to in a new year? Is there something tangible and definite you are looking forward to in 2010? Are u turning a certain age, say 21? Are you getting married? Divorced? Graduating? Having your first child? Attending the World Cup? etc. What is going on in 2010?

With all this looking forward, let us not forget that 2009 is not yet over. Since 2004 I have never made the mistake of dismissing a year simply because it is "almost" over. I shall now relate why:

In December of 2004 I was filling out college applications with all the optimism & excitement of a high school senior with kickass SAT scores (if I do say so myself). High school was out for winter break, and I was working on finishing my application essays. The reason I had so many application essays to work on, was because most of the schools I applied to were located in cities like Cambridge, Princeton, New Haven, Ithaca, etc. Anyone who has ever filled out applications for non-state schools understands the massive amount of essay writing and application padding that these schools require. It is as if they are doing it to see just how much headache you are willing to endure for an acceptance letter and the joys of private student loans.

Anyway, to put myself in the mindset to attend interviews at these "institutions of higher learning", I was spending my days watching CNN in an attempt to increase my general knowledge database. It was close to the end of December, so there was a lot of "Year In Review" bullsh*t that these 24 hour cable networks LOVE to do. I was sitting through yet ANOTHER recap of the 2004 Presidential election. I remember feeling depressed that Bush had won again despite Democratic Party pleas for Americans to use their brains--as opposed to their bibles & terrorism alert monitors--for voting. The CNN commercial that played during the break showed a montage of notable events from 2004: the Athens Olympics, the US elections, Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction, etc. Everyone was already looking forward to 2005 and commentators were speculating on what great news the year would bring. (If only they had seen Katrina coming).

Then, there was an interruption of our "scheduled programming". All of a sudden we were being told of a massive tsunami in southeastern Asia. I wasn't even sure what a tsunami was (except that the word bore remarkable resemblance to "Toonami" on Cartoon Network, but we will talk about that later). But I was watching CNN to learn, right? So I focused on the news. Within hours every channel had tossed aside the "Year In Review" shows and had focused solely on the tsunami.

Everyone had been so sure that the year was over. Most of the visitors who died at those expensive resorts were there to CELEBRATE the New Year.

It is just one of those events in your life that may not really matter to anyone else, but that you always remember. I am not going to go far enough to say that this has changed my life forever--I wont be that dramatic--but it definitely drove home the old adage "don't count your chickens before they hatch".

So, everyone, enjoy 2009 while you can. 2010 isn't here yet. Remember what a difference a day can make.