The Journal of Life Genetics, Volume 3

 A Scientific Journal Paper by EDJ.

Readers and Scientists. The long awaited paper on the Douchebaggery gene is finally here!

Douchebaggery and Extremeniceness Syndrome

Douchebaggery Syndrome is a disease caused by the presence of the Douchebaggery gene (Db)--a dominant allelle requiring only one copy to be expressed. All males carry the Db gene, however, Douchebaggery Syndrome is caused by over-expression of the Db gene. There have been rare cases of Db gene expression in females, but these are so few in number that they do not merit too much study. The Db gene is passed on from male parent to offspring and usually lies dormant until its carrier is in the presence of a female who expresses the Extremenicess gene (En). The last sentence might be a bit misleading since every female has a copy of the En gene. However, some females have developed resistance to the En gene. Further study is needed to discover a way to transfer this rare En gene resistance to the rest of the female population. It was partly our hope when starting this journal, that the series might help increase En gene resistance in the female population. Extremenicess Syndrome is caused by over-expression of the En gene.

The presence of the En gene is the only reason that males with over-expression of the Db gene are able to reproduce and pass on their genetic information to offspring. Without the presence of the En gene there would be no females willing to mate with Db carriers and their Douchebaggery would gradually become extinct from the population. It appears that nature took pity on Db male carriers and created the En gene counterpart in females to give the males a chance to procreate. You can see why, sometimes, it appears that the nicest women end up with the worst of men. It is the unfortunate "yin and yang" relationship of the Db and En genes.

Symptoms of Douchebaggery Syndrome
These are only some of the symptoms. If you think you or someone you know has Douchebaggery Syndrome, please inquire about our testing methods and we will perform an individual assessment of your situation.

1. Extreme vanity. Db carriers have been known to spend more time getting ready than some females.
2. Repeatedly cheating on a partner and then apologizing only to do it again instead of breaking up with the person.
3. Feeling no remorse or pretending to feel remorse when confronted with wrongdoings.
4. Wearing sunglasses at night (unless you are blind)
5. Taking pictures with friends where various non-sense hand signs (this does not include frats) are being made to indicate "coolness".
6. Continued use of ridiculous nicknames on Facebook over the age of 16. Often nicknames imply that the Db carrier "makes money", "gets girls", or both.
7. Giving your clique of friends a "cool" name and retaining this name past the age of 23.
8. Being a party promoter and assuming this means you are special.
9. Wearing anything Ed Hardy.
10. Taking pictures of designer label outfits/shoes/accessories you own to show off. This also involves captioning your own photos with information on the designer label you are wearing.

Symptoms of Extremeniceness Syndrome

1. Partnering with a male expressing Douchebaggery Syndrome and remaining with this partner until they kick you out.

Treatment
 For treatment of Extremeniceness Syndrome please see treatment of Beauty and the Beast Syndrome, as published in The Journal of Life Genetics, Volume 2.

For treatment of Douchebaggery Syndrome we recommend the following methods.

1. Long term exposure to a female with En gene resistance. This is best for low to medium range Db gene carriers who express symptoms rarely but have the Db gene under control most of the time.
2. Long term exposure to a female with Db gene expression. This is for severe cases where the Db gene is always in effect. Please note that there is a risk involved with this method as the Db gene male may in fact become worse after treatment. You must be careful if you select this method.

Please note that the Db males cannot be co-erced into the treatment. No female should expose herself to the Db gene carrier solely for the purpose of curing him. It is important, especially for the female, that she enter the "treatment" with no expectations. It is also important that a REAL En gene resistant or Db gene female is used for treatment. The female must not be pretending to be either one of the above two.

Additional Notes
The "yin and yang" pairing of the Douchebaggery and Extremenicess has been the cause for many an unhappy home. For the purposes of this research, we used the Nigerian society as a case study. There are many reports of Nigerian Db males marrying En females and this has been especially prevalent in the previous generation (that of our parents). Many twenty something year old Nigerians have seen first hand the disaster and suffering that occurs when Db males marry En females. Some children have even had to become pseudo-psychologists just to deal with their En mothers stuck in Db/En marriages and the stress they go through. The overall effect of this has been a gradual decline in the "desire for marriage" (or early marriage) amongst young Nigerian women.

Conclusion
Further study must be done to combat the effects of Douchebaggery Syndrome. Both genders must do their part to ensure that gene expression is kept to a minimum. Women must stop enabling Db males, and males will have to take their own treatment upon themselves and actively try to limit their Db gene expression.


Douchebaggery is an illness that must be eradicated from society! Let us all do our part.