C.T.P.G.F.W.S.A.N

I have started a new campaign. This is a very selfless campaign and completely separate from my campaign to be nominated (and win) at least one Category B award at the Nigerian Blog Awards. You really should go over there and once again nominate me for more awards (I'm greedy, I know). Category B nominations opened this Monday and will continue until June 27th. Some hints on what to vote for me for: Favorite New Blogger (since I am awesome, and of course a new blogger).

This campaign is a grassroots effort very similar to #LightUpNigeria in that it has about as much chance of succeeding (very little) but it doesn't stop me from campaigning. My effort is called C.T.P.G.F.W.S.A.N. It is very long I know, but it is a very necessary effort. C.T.P.G.F.W.S.A.N stands for

This is a very terrible problem especially in the Nigerian community. Every time I see pictures from parties there are at least 5 human beings wandering around like blind beggars on Ikorodu road. How the hell can you see with those things? You don't look cool, you look silly! Only celebrities are allowed to wear sunglasses at night.

This campaign is completely selfless and for the betterment of the unfortunate souls who do not realize that SUNglasses are meant for the daytime. Guys, I have news for you, there are very few females who see your "Stevie Wonder" look and think, "wow he is so cool I'd like to hook up with him right now". Here are some of the statements that we make whenever we see men with sunglasses at night (especially in the club)

1. He is blind.
2. He is a douchebag. A conceited douchebag.
3. He has just smoked some weed and is trying to hide his red eyes.
4. He thinks he is a celebrity and he isn't. This makes him a vain douchebag.
5. Are you sure he isn't blind?
6. He is hiding some terrible scarring around his eyes.
7. He is actually here to stare at girls, like a stalker, and is hiding behind his glasses so nobody notices him.

Concerning that last one, if you are going to claim that you are wearing your sunglasses at night so nobody notices you staring at females, then I have news for you. You have failed WOEFULLY. Who do you think is going to stand out more at a party? A guy looking at girls? (a normal occurrence) Or a guy wearing sunglassess (for no apparent reason) looking at girls? Sunglasses at night (S.A.N) make you stand out MORE not less. But then, maybe this is the point.

This disturbing occurrence has even hit close to home for me. There are a few pictures of Alpa Chino floating around on Facebook from a few years ago when he was in college (and pre-EDJ, of course) where he is wearing sunglasses at night along with a group of his friends. Every time I see these pictures, I just start laughing. Thankfully he he has outgrown this silliness, but many people his age (and older) have not.

Guys, please stop this foolishness. I would understand if you were doing this as a joke, but the looks on your faces (or at least what I can see of your faces) suggest that you actually think you look cool. You don't! You just look corny.

In the same vein, this S.A.N problem can be further compounded by the fact that many of the proponents are the same kinds of human beings that love to take pictures with $20 bottles of Nuvo and/or $50 bottles of vodka. I know, I know, even though these bottles are at least 50% cheaper in the real world, you spent all that money to get into the club and paid $300 for a $50 bottle of liquor. Your need to take pictures of yourself holding the bottles must be in remembrance of the colossal waste of money that they turned out to be. Its so annoying seeing somebody wearing sunglasses at night in the club, holding a bottle of Nuvo (or some other relatively popular drink) and posing for the camera. Get a grip!

You know, now that I think about it, I feel bad for these guys. The real reason they do all these things is in an effort to get laid. Seeing as how I know I am not really the type of female they hope to attract i.e. one with a brain of her own, I really should not take offense at their madness.

Unfortunately, my eyes are going to be assaulted by S.A.N as well as "I overpaid for alcohol to look rich and cool", and other forms of silliness at the 2010 Nigerian Reunion. Yeah, I'm going. Did I say that C.T.P.G.F.W.S.A.N was a selfless crusade? I lied. Please spread the word about this campaign and perhaps we can reduce the occurrence of S.A.N by July 4th weekend. This way I am not tempted to trip up one of these human beings at one of the parties and then hide behind Alpa Chino if they come after me.