Opposites Attract

I say there are opposites and then there are OPPOSITES.

I'll share an example.

Yesterday I had lunch with a former co-worker from my old job. I hadn't spoken to her for almost 2months, but the last time we spoke she mentioned that she had broken up with her boyfriend. Yesterday, as we had lunch she told me she was back with her ex.

I raised an eyebrow when I heard this because the reasons for their breakup had been pretty strong. Basically, he cheated on her and so she cheated on him and then both of them "separated" for a bit. While they were separated this boyfriend literally broke into her apartment to chase off a guy she was with. That was just one of the stories around the breakup.

They had some serious drama so when I heard they were back together, I guess my facial expression showed my astonishment at the news. She gave me this "apologetic" smile and said, "I love him."

I may actually have to write a separate post just to cover why "love" is really not enough for a relationship to survive--in my opinion.

Anyway, she kept talking about him and inevitably her conversation turned to the time honored female past time of complaining about the "significant other" in your life. This ex boyfriend of hers is one of those "militant" black men. You know, the type that believes Louis Farrakhan is a prophet and that Jews and white people are out to take over the world and destroy all black people. The "extremist" black man that blames all his problems on white people. She started complaining about his latest phase which involves him visiting Israeli news websites to show the various ways in which Israel is "oppressing" Arabs in the middle east. Yet, she is definitely not like that. At work, her closest friend was a white Jewish woman.

Is that the kind of "opposite" that should attract? A racist and a non-racist? (after all the boyfriend is a racist, isn't he?).

When I pointed out that the two of them have some major differences of opinion her response was, "Well, I guess opposites attract."

This is complete bullsh*t. Life is not a movie/TV show/music video/book where opposites attract and live happily ever after. There are opposites and then there are OPPOSITES. Her relationship falls into the latter category.

When I say OPPOSITES I am referring to big issues. The two of you can probably live happily ever after if you like country music and he likes hip-hop. Your relationship will probably survive if one of you enjoys reading fiction and the other enjoys non-fiction. However, there are certain things that two people should not be "opposite" about.

I have been in the "opposites attract" situation before and those relationships never last. In the beginning the differences were cute and funny, but as time went by one or both of us would begin to pressure the other person to change and in the end things stalled.

You know why Yin and Yang works? Because the two pieces that come together are fundamentally the same shape. Think about it.

I tried to point out some of this yesterday at lunch, but in the end she is a grown woman and will do what she wants. You can sugarcoat the truth all you want, but show me a long term "opposites attract" relationship and I'm sure if we delve deeper we will find the differences are superficial.

By the way, I finally uploaded a chapter of Lagos School Daze (the book) which you can read by going to that section of the blog. My fiction writing skills are a little rusty so excusez moi.