"Bros Before Hos"? Why Not "Chicks Before D*cks"?

Yesterday I was talking to Mogaji (don't worry I was using my free weekend minutes) about women and the twisted relationships we have with each other. We started out talking about hoochies.

Hoochies used to upset me. Notice the past tense. By hoochies, I am referring to those girls/women who comment on his Facebook profile a wee bit too much, laugh at his not that funny jokes a wee bit too much, use a certain "tone of voice" when talking to him, etc all while knowing he is in a relationship. You know them, the ones that every woman in a relationship is silently eyeing but never "confronts" because in the end it is not that serious. This used to upset me, but now my stance is--if he is foolish enough to run off with a hoochie, then I will be smart enough to find his replacement. (But all this is a conversation for another day).

The hoochie discussion did lead to another subject, which was the idea of women "fighting" other women over men. By fighting, I am not referring to an all out smack down. Just little signs of favoritism that women display towards men. Here is an example:

There are 3 friends, we'll call them Mary, Lucy, and Peter and they have all known each other for almost 10 years. Mary and Lucy were best friends but busy schedules, living far away from each other, etc have made them not as close. However, they keep in touch as much as possible and Mary and Lucy remain good friends. Peter is now dating Lucy but does not speak to Mary often as he has never really been that close with Mary. On Mary's birthday, both Peter and Lucy forget Mary's birthday. In fact, Lucy doesn't even remember that it is Mary's birthday until Peter mentions that Mary spoke to him about how angry she was that he forgot her birthday. Lucy is worried that she will also get yelled at because she is much closer to Mary and also forgot her birthday. However, when she calls Mary, Mary is completely fine and does not get annoyed with Lucy. However, she is really annoyed at Peter.

Lucy is most likely very happy to avoid a "verbal tongue lashing" from Mary, but why should Peter be subjected to Mary's anger? 

I think it is because Mary (consciously or not) has a basic attraction to Peter. I am not saying she is a homewrecker (we hope not), but I think it is a simple biological imperative that drives Mary to act like this. So when Peter forgets a birthday, although Mary has no "claim" to him, she gets upset at him. Meanwhile the person she should be annoyed with gets off scot-free because there is no potential for attraction there and therefore less need to "maintain" that connection.


I know I mentioned "fighting" but it isn't really a fight so much as it is a subtle competition. It is nature at its most basic--except reversed. In the natural world, males compete for available females, but in modern society females compete for available males and it leads to subtle actions and events that happen all the time.

Facebook is probably the best place to observe all this and you can see it when you know all the people involved in these "episodes". Like, when a girl writes on a guy's wall but completely ignores that of her female friends, or when a woman sends certain people (ahem...males) "Happy Birthday/holiday" messages and others (ahem...females) don't get any--even if they are closer to the woman in question.

I think some females are simply hard-wired to maintain a connection with males because of the "potential for attraction" and discard female friends. But this is completely understandable. Evolutionary biology proposes that a person's only purpose on earth is to procreate and ensure the continuation of their genes from one generation to the next. So, why spend energy maintaining a friendship when you can have a mate?

I am sure many women out there have little examples of when the "potential for attraction" trumps "friendship". I do it sometimes. Like, I may be talking to Mogaji on the phone (hopefully after 7pm) and then get a call from Alpa Chino. Sometimes I end my call with her so I can talk to him but sometimes I stay on the phone with her to finish our conversation. I think women just have to learn to overcome this "urge" to continually put "bros before hoes". Lets face it, if/when he breaks up with you who will be there to pick up the pieces?

Guys are already practicing "bros before hos", should we not all band together and practice "chicks before d*cks"? The world may be a better place for it.

Sprint! Sprint! Sprint!

How many times did I call Sprint?

These mfs are charging me $120 more this month because I dared go over my minutes. It was all Mogaji's fault! Normally our lengthy phone conversations are not a problem but, unfortunately, this month I made two of these calls at exactly 6:50pm and 6:56pm (I checked the bill) on two separate days and my free minutes don't start till 7pm. So guess what happened?

Don't get me wrong, I love Sprint. They have awesome customer service, call quality is great, I get a kicka** discount, and who cares if their PDA selection is sometimes a little blah. I managed to sweet talk the overage charge down from $120 to $80 but I still have to pay the cot damn money. I have also discovered that calls to check voicemail are not free! GASP! Apparently these mfs count your voicemail minutes as part of your monthly minutes. Every time you check voicemail you are using your minutes! Did y'all know that?

The blame does not lie solely on Mogaji's head though. A long time ago, when my family was switching from a Sprint family plan to a T-mobile (ugh) family plan, I decided to branch out on my own and get an individual Sprint plan. It must have been the remnants of my Biafran heritage that made me break away from the umbrella of a free phone (paid for by my parents) to having an individual plan that I would have to pay for by myself. I got tired of having my dad complain about the family plan bill every month so I decided to get my own plan and pay for it myself. Despite my parents' dire warnings about me filing for bankruptcy over what they thought would be HUGE cell phone bills, I have been able to keep said bills under control--until now. My desire to escape from the tyranny of monitored cell phone usage and a plan with no texting (can you imagine?) now means that calls from my family (except during "free" times) also make a dent in my monthly minutes.

I will pay the overage fee. Its not a big deal. Its the first time this has happened in my 2 year contract so let this be my gift to Sprint. But, as Ojukwu is my witness (2nd Biafra reference), I will not go over my minutes again. Do you know that these mfs (love that word) at Sprint have something called "overage relief"? If you are getting to the limit on your minutes and feel you will go over your allowance before the new minutes kick in, you can call Sprint and get 100 extra minutes for $5. FIVE DOLLARS! If I had known about this, the instant I discovered that I was almost out of minutes, I would have called them to add more minutes and my bill would have only been about $15 more instead of the $80 that I now have to pay. Of course they don't tell people about "overage relief" minutes, they watch you and let the month end then they send you a ridiculous bill. Mfs.

Right To Life vs Right To Live

I am all excited about the Health Care Reform that Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats have managed to pass. Many many people have tried for literally a century to do what she has done. Kudos! It took massive "cajones" to get this passed. Also, having this done by the first female speaker of the house is a proud moment for us "death panel liberals" everywhere!

Of course, Republicans have begun to rain on the Democrats' parade. McCain is "repulsed" by the Democrats celebrating this bill's passage. Can you see his life? At least the Dems were trying to pass a bill to make sure that millions of people can get health insurance. What landmark piece of legislature did Republicans pass when they had the majority? Oh, that's right! They started the Iraq war and tossed the country into a massive deficit. Thanks a lot!

Yesterday, during the back and forth in the House of Representatives, a Republican yelled "baby killer" when Democrat Bart Stupak stood up to make a statement. The Republicans apparently decided that their last attempt to derail the Health Care Reform bill (HCR) would be to pull out "ye old abortion" complaint. Republicans say the bill provides federal dollars for abortion. Meanwhile, the Democrats have repeatedly responded by saying the bill will allow more women to have healthy babies and does not provide government funding for abortion.

Republicans are not trying to save unborn children, they are trying to make sure that HCR is scrapped in its entirety. Their current rationale for this is that there is no "abortion deterrent" in the bill, but this story may change to something else tomorrow. Democrats are saying that the bill is vital to save the lives of over 32million currently living Americans, who do not have health insurance. Taken away from the context of HCR, this "argument" has crossed my mind often.

My question here is, who is "righter"? Does a fetus' "right to life" trump a person's "right to live"? This reminds me of that classic argument. If a mother and her unborn child were in danger and you could only save one, who would you save? Does the child's "right to life" trump its mothers "right to live"? If you were a mother and it was your life or your baby's life would you save yourself or save your unborn child? If you were the father and it was your decision would you save your partner or your child? I once asked this question of The Duchess and she said she would give up her life for her unborn child. I wouldn't. What would you do?


Although congress is arguing about this for political reasons, it is still an interesting ethical dilemma. Should we abandon millions of people currently in need to cater to unborn children? I guess it depends on how religious you are and how you see the world. If I were in the situation above I would save my life so that I could live to have another child later. Some of you wouldn't.

Of course not all abortions are about life or death situations. Sometimes, it is simply a matter of a woman not feeling prepared to have a child and deciding to have an abortion. That conversation can happen another day. Right now I am focusing on the "life and death" scenario. Does "right to life" trump "right to live"?

Personally I am pro-choice. This does not mean "pro-abortion" as the right wing extremists would have you believe. I support a woman's right to choose what she wants. I do not think abortions should be outlawed, but I do not think they should become the order of the day either. I simply think that women should have the option available and if they decide to use it or not, that is their decision. Where do you stand?

P.S: Republicans love to say that abortion is wrong but in the next breath they say that the government shouldn't interfere in people's lives. Let me get this straight, it is not okay for the government to overhaul the failing health care system, but it is okay for the government to tell a woman whether or not she should keep a child? Does anyone else see the failure in logic here? If you are pro-"small government" then you have to be pro-choice because any other option would mean the government's involvement in women's health.

Ego Du Jour's List of Approved TV Shows--Redux.

A long long time ago, at the start of this TV season, I had a list of TV shows that I planned to continue to watch and a list of new shows I was interested in. With March here and many shows heading for the last few episodes I'm checking in with the list.

Old List:

1. 90210
2. Brothers and Sisters
3. Community
4. CSI
5. CSI: NY
6. CSI: Miami
7. Dancing With The Stars
8. Desperate Housewives
9. Dexter
10. Family Guy 
11. Flash Forward
12. Fringe
13. Glee
14. Gossip Girl
15. Grey's Anatomy
16. Heroes
17. House
18. Make It Or Break It
19. Melrose Place
20. Modern Family 
21. Project Runway
22. The Beautiful Life
23. The Cleveland Show
24. The Secret Life of the American Teenager
25. The Office
26. Trauma
27. V
28. Vampire Diaries

So, 27 shows. That is how many I planned to follow all season. TWENTY-SEVEN! I told y'all I watch A LOT of TV. I have taken a few off the list though:

CSI: Miami: Weakest of all 3 CSIs and least realistic. Whenever Callie (sp?) makes some announcement about her findings I just roll my eyes. Plus we can't forget Horatio and his infamous shades, and finally are they CSI or runway models on that show? Nobody knows!


Dancing With The Stars: I'm tired of dancing shows and I don't really care what celebrity can do the tango better.


Family Guy: it airs on Sundays when Desperate Housewives is on and I have never bothered to actually catch up with it. Besides they always do re-runs on TBS and Adult Swim.

Heroes: I did my best to bravely soldier on with this show, but by November I was done. I don't care what happens to them anymore. I am just mad that NBC decided to renew Heroes, and only aired 4 episodes of Kings (remember that from last season?). 

The Beautiful Life: I don't even know if this show even aired? I lost interest before it even started.

The Cleveland Show: I never even finished watching the premiere episode! Maybe I'll go back to it later, but I truly doubt that.

The Secret Life Of The American Teenager: After seeing many ads for this at the mall, I tried to watch this show. But IT SUCKS. One of the characters, a "christian", became convinced that the fact that she had pre-marital sex led to her father's death in a car accident? (this show is set in 2010 mind you). So, she withdrew from everyone in her school and put on a "talk" where people would give "testimony" about how pre-marital sex leads to many evils. I don't know who writes this show, but they need to be fired and it needs to be canceled. The characters are so unrealistic it should be in the "sci-fi" genre not "drama".

The Office: I don't have a problem with this show. It is just unfortunate that it airs at the same time as Fringe, which I wouldn't miss for any reason. I'll probably catch up with it later. Maybe when the show ends?

Trauma: I was only interested in this show because for some reason I thought it bore similarity to an Australian TV show called The Flying Doctors. Way back in the early 90's, back in Nigeria, I remember sitting with my mom watching The Flying Doctors along with Eastenders on BBC One. I never did get started watching Trauma, maybe I'll catch up with it later?

So now my list of TV shows is down from 27 to 18. I am trying, right? Some of these new shows are AWESOME though:

Community: is HIGH-LAY-RIOUS! I love the characters and I hope they come back for a 2nd season.

Vampire Diaries: is cute, and is an ample bandaid for my bleeding heart when True Blood isn't on the air.

Melrose Place: may not be coming back for a 2nd season, but I like it. The drama isn't overly "dramatic" in my opinion but it is interesting.


Modern Family: also very funny, but not as funny as Community!

This TV season will be ending soon. Then it'll be summer time and True Blood and Entourage will be back on air. They are the only reasons to have HBO!

Another One Bites The Dust...

First, I thought it would be interesting for those of you who have been reading my blog posts (especially those pertaining to Nigeria) to listen to Verastic's radio show this Saturday (March 20th). It airs 10am Eastern time which is 3pm in Nigeria. The topic is: "The State Of The Nigerian Union."

Now, on to the blog post.

So, today, we discovered that Jesse James (Sandra Bullock's husband) has been cheating on his wife with someone whom words cannot describe. So here is a picture:

Believe it or not, I do not care about her tattoos. Afterall that is nothing a little makeup can't cover up if the need arises. What concerns me is her face. Do you think she is pretty? I think she looks like a man, but maybe its because I don't have my contacts. We should all know by now that cheating isn't about what the person looks like, but for the love of God, if you are going to cheat can you at least make sure that there are OBVIOUS reasons why you did? You chose HER over Sandra Bullock? Come on!

Apparently Jesse James was having an affair with this Michelle "Bombshell" McGee person. She says she didn't know he was married and he gave her the impression that he had broken up with Sandra Bullock. Perhaps this lady cannot read? Or a simple Google search is beyond her realm of expertise. I don't know when they met, but it would have been enough time for her to find out that he was married.

This just saddens me because I saw how happy Sandra Bullock was at all the awards shows this season. When she talked about how much she loved him, that she had never known what it meant for someone to "have her back" until him, and didn't we all see his "man tears" during her Oscar acceptance speech? Isn't this his 3rd marriage? You'd think he'd want to make it work. There is no hope for any of us women. Honestly. You stay at home all day taking care of him, the house, your kids--he cheats on you. You try to work and maintain a home at the same time--he cheats on you. You try to have a career and support his career as well--he cheats on you. You change everything about yourself to suit his life--he cheats on you. You completely ignore him and focus on yourself--he cheats on you. Well, maybe that last one is understandable, but COME ON!

I like Sandra Bullock. She is like my distant cousin that I don't really miss but whenever she comes to visit we always have fun. Let nobody tell me she did anything to deserve this, because I won't believe it.


This news is a bit ironic since earlier today I saw some of the text messages Tiger Woods sent to one of his many mistresses. Her name is Joslyn James and her boobs are clearly too big for her tiny body. By the way if you visit the link with the text messages, the comments are damn hilarious, but don't click over there till you've finished reading my blog post!

Ahh celebrities, they are just like us.

Clearly the bigger issue here is celebrity stupidity and how the internet is exposing their daftness. Jesse James and his mistress were following each other on Twitter and sending incriminating tweets that could be "misconstrued" and are now being used as evidence of his infidelity. I am sure if someone is able to obtain one of their cell phone records, the text messages will be even more damning.

Its not just celebrities. I am sure an uncountable number of people have gotten into relationship trouble because of the internet. Let us all be smart here. The internet and your cell phone are not your "homeboys" that won't "snitch" so don't treat them like they are!

I am beyond wondering why men cheat. If it happened to me, I would follow the lead of Sandra Bullock and Elin Woods. Move out, take the kids, and take the money. I will cry, be sad, depressed, etc but that will not stop me from hiring the most vindictive divorce attorney money can buy.

I completely understand that in this day and age, with all the numerous ways that temptation can cross the path of a married man, it is difficult for men to remain faithful. Its not like its easy for women to stay faithful either. However, men need to understand this BEFORE they get married. If you aren't ready for one woman for the rest of your life, then don't do it. Better to break her heart now before marriage and be a "bastard", than to break her heart later, go to divorce court, have to pay child support, have to split up the belongings, and still be a "bastard".

Dear "Wealthy"/ "Privileged" Nigerians In Nigeria

So my post on the Jos pictures being on Facebook garnered a lot of attention, I have actually received an e-mail saying I need to be more sympathetic. So, let us all have a moment of e-silence for the victims:.



 INSERT MOMENT OF E-SILENCE HERE




Of course we cannot forget the comments section. Thank you to everyone who wrote, even "privileged guest" who, despite being a "freedom fighting" pompous windbag, was probably voicing the opinions of some of the people who read the post. So, kudos to him/her for speaking up. Even though I still have not been convinced of the "right-ness" of showing those pics on Facebook, I will be sure to let my parents know that it is only because we are poor that we remain in America. After-all, in the words of "privileged guest":

I'll have you know that if you really had the oppurtunity to go back and live in a mansion sorrounded by wealth, you will most definitely not be in America 'struggling' to survive in your parents 'modest' home.

Clearly, spelling was not part of this person's "privileged" education, but aside from that...wiser words were never spoken. All you broke Nigerians in your "modest homes" abroad, the jig is up! Return to the "motherland" else your relatives will assume you are poor! They are only asking you to send money to Nigeria in order to test the limits of your foreign bank account! They don't really need your help because, everyone who is rich in Nigeria goes back there after going to school abroad. Only those without money remain outside Nigeria.

It is truly unfortunate that in an attempt to "defend" the Jos victims from my "selfish" and "brazenly unpatriotic" post, this person had to talk about how wealthy he/she is in Nigeria. I am surprised NEPA, sorry PHCN, didn't "take light" while the person was spewing diatribes at what is clearly my personal opinion (made based on facts). But then, PHCN may not be an issue. "Privileged guest" probably has a diesel generator powered by the blood and sweat of the gateman and housegirls in his/her parents' 100 room mansion in Lekki, (unless of course he/she has ULTRA wealthy parents and lives on Banana Island). But I digress.

"Privileged guest" did remind me of something I have always thought about.

To the "wealthy" and "privileged" Nigerians in Nigeria, this post is for you. For those of you who have decided to remain there, as opposed to those who remain by force (i.e revoked/denied visas), if you truly are "wealthy" and "privileged", know that it will not and cannot last. I am not trying to "swear" for anyone. It is impossible for the country to maintain such a glaring disparity between the rich and the poor, have almost no middle class, and expect things to continue. You are outnumbered and that is a fact. It wont matter whether you "donated to the poor" or not. When the angry mob comes to your house all they will see is the impossibly white walls of your mansion and the 5+ cars in your garage. I know that Nigerians are not prone to revolution but the time is coming--it has to.

Many of you must realize this is true. Even if the people in my generation don't, our parents know very well that they cannot continue to flaunt their wealth without consequences. Its part of the reason why they send so many children abroad. This way their children will always have the option of returning to a foreign country when (not, "if") things go bad. Afterall, there is no point in attending school in the U.K/U.S if you are just going to go back to Nigeria and work for your father's company forever. Some will say that the foreign education is so that you can go back and "re-build" the country. Maybe, but we all know it is also a safety net for whenever you reach your threshold of suffering in Nigeria and want to return to good roads and hospitals.

As for the online freedom fighters. You cannot use developed world strategies like Twitter and Facebook in a country where running water and constant electricity are still a fantasy for millions of people. It may make all of you feel better, but is it really helping? Will #lightupnigeria and other "e-advocacy" ideas do anything except earn you a handshake with some self-serving politician so that he/she can say they are "listening to the youth"? If you truly want to make change in Nigeria you have to go back there and be prepared to fail multiple times. You will have to dedicate all you have financially and emotionally to helping "the cause" and it probably still won't make a difference. Are you all ready to do that?




I always thought this was an interesting picture of Lagos. Beside the shiny cars and beautiful building, on the left side you can see a beggar. The person who took the picture may or may not realize the juxtaposition and the clear representation of what is really happening in Nigeria.


Some of you may ask what I am doing. My answer, nothing. I am not going back there to "help". I am simply not a "save the world" kind of person. I never have been. My immediate vicinity is all that concerns me: family, friends, and my local community. The reason I have said I am apathetic towards the negative that goes on in Nigeria, is because I have reached my threshold. I cannot care about a country that does nothing for me, my family, or even the people who actually care about the country. Before you rush to tell me how little the U.S cares for me, I beg to differ. This country cares more about me than the place I was born in. I am not saying it is utopia on earth, but I would rather stay here and work hard than go back. It is not a decision you have to agree with, but it is mine to make. If it makes me selfish to stay where I can focus on things I can change and where my family and I can truly be successful then so be it.

P.S: I consider the term "brazenly unpatriotic" to be a compliment. In fact, I may just add it to the byline of the Ego Du Jour heading. Maybe I should make it the name of a section and put all the Nigeria-related posts there? What do y'all think?

Independent Dependent

At the ripe old age of ___ (insert guesstimate there) I am finally filing my taxes as "Independent". To some of you, this may not be a "milestone" but, unless you live in my house, you cannot understand how much arguing I had to do to achieve this.

I actually started the "Campaign to File Independent Taxes" in December 2009. It was a long and arduous struggle filled with perils and constant nagging. First of all, I "casually" mentioned to my mother on multiple occasions that she should not expect to have me on her taxes this year. Her answer on multiple occasions "Of course we don't expect to put you on our taxes!". Clearly she thought I was just talking for talking sake. In January with the new year officially started, and the receipt of my W-2 forms, I continued to "casually" mention that I would be filing my taxes independently, and she continued to assure me that it was all good.

Then last week, all of a sudden, she called me to ask about a tuition payment made for my Fall semester charges and I explained to her that--tuition payment or not--she would not have me on her tax forms this year. Before you think me an ungrateful child let me explain (without using specific numbers). The paid money that is under discussion is approximately to 23% of the money I owed at my graduation. Guess who has been paying off the remaining 77%?

Every month I pay off that 77% bit by bit. My parents do not help out with a single dollar and I have ZERO problem with this. My problem starts when my mother decides to claim me as a dependent even though I CLEARLY do not fit that criteria anymore. The minute they claim me as a dependent every dollar I have paid towards that 77% gets added to their taxes. The IRS assumes that, as a dependent, my parents are helping me out with the payments and I become ineligible for any part of that tuition benefit. Do y'all understand how messed up it is to pay money every month and then have someone else reap the tax benefits--parents or not?

 I have checked my expected return as a "Dependent" and an "Independent". The difference is over $1,000. I worked my a** off in 2009 and got taxes taken out of every paycheck. I deserve that money. As a dependent, the tax calculation doesn't even give me all of the money I am entitled to on the basis of just MY paychecks talk-less of the money I am paying towards that 77%.

Last tax season I also wanted to file as "Independent"--and I could have--but my mother came up with some reason why I shouldn't and I ended up letting it go because it wasn't that much money. My state return ended up being a whole $1 that year. I vowed that would be the last time.

Now that I have put my foot down, my mother is having a fit. My dad could care less, I already asked him and he said he understood. I understand that I still live in their house, but that is going to change ASAP--I would have moved out a long time ago if it wasn't for that 77%. At some point she has to realize that I am an adult and if she is annoyed then so be it. I am so past the point of worrying whether or not she will be "ok" with my decision. As J.G. Wentworth says, "Its my money and I need it now!"

I am sure some of you have extremely "cute" relationships with your mothers like something out of Gilmore Girls. I am not like that. I don't get along with her and I have stopped trying to do anything about it. There is very little we agree on and I do not see that changing in the future. This tax thing is just one more reason why I need to move out. She is going to take this decision as a personal affront. She will say I am being "rebellious" and "selfish". I do not care. This makes sense even from a financial standpoint. I usually lose out on financial aid because I have been listed as their "dependent" on taxes--even though I actually don't see any of that money--and their salaries make me ineligible. If I file my taxes as "Independent" whenever its time for the FAFSA, or any other kind of aid, I can apply by myself with no need to report my parent's salaries! This has to stop now.

Jos Victims on Facebook.

After having my home page swamped with images of body parts, burned babies, scalped heads, etc...it has occured to me that some of you do not realize that you are violating Facebook Terms by uploading these pictures.

You all know that the minimum age to sign on to Facbook is 13? If you have any kind of brain you will also realize that this means there are very likely users under age 13. Are those images a 13 year old should see talk less of someone younger? I don't even want to see them.

So I don't care if some of you are still using your Nigerian mentality where, apparently, it is not a problem for the bodies of human beings to be on public display like meat at a butcher shop. When you sign on to Facebook you are agreeing not to upload gory or violent pictures. Guess what? The Jos pictures fall under this category.

The internet is not safe, we all know that, but those of you uploading these pictures need to realize that what you are doing is wrong. I don't care if you are trying to raise awareness! This is not something people should be seeing when they log on to Facebook.

As you all know there is no love lost between myself and that God forsaken country. I don't want to say I don't care about the victims because some of you bleeding hearts may begin to plot my demise. All I have to say is, are you really surprised? Is this such a shock to all of you? Do you really expect the Nigerian government to do anything about this? To care? Mehn please.

Stop this madness. Stop uploading these pics! If you want to raise awareness link to a site with the images and MAKE sure the site has a warning that these are graphic images.

Do Black Women Have A Choice? Truly?

In honor of Women's History month (yes, March).

Yesterday, the ever controversial Azazel wrote a blog post that made me think. Isn't that the best kind? Hopefully I can make you think as well. Here is an excerpt from his post:

Nothing irritates me more than when I go to a forum concerning black/African issues and some black feminists stand up and start to complain about 'black successful men' who marry white women. I've always wanted to tell them 'Why you dey vex?? Is it your money??'...black successful men are not obligated to marry black women and in return black successful women are not obligated to marry black men.

I agree with everything he said except the last part. Black successful women are not obligated to marry black men--but do we have a choice? Look at this data from the U.S. Census Bureau about interracial marriages.

	White Wife	Black Wife	Asian Wife	Other Wife
White Husband	50,224,000	117,000	530,000	489,000
Black Husband	286,000	3,965,000	34,000	45,000
Asian Husband	174,000	6,000	2,493,000	13,000
Other Husband	535,000	23,000	41,000	558,000

Do you see the odds stacked against black women when it comes to marriage in general? Look at our column. We are the least likely to be married by ANY other race except our own. So when Azazel says we are not obligated to, he is right. But do we really have other choices?

Think of all the negative stereotypes people have about black people. Then think of all the negative stereotypes people have about women. Combine the two groups and that is the obstacle every black woman has to overcome in order to appeal to other races (for the purposes of a serious relationship) and be viewed in a positive light. When I say positive light, I am not talking about Beyonce type of positive i.e. she's a "sex symbol" and a "diva" who can sing and dance; I mean Michelle Obama/Oprah type of positive light, where people respect you and your opinions and look at you with an open mind. Before anyone starts to argue about the Beyonce reference, do you really think that if Beyonce stood up to talk about something truly important anyone would truly listen? Answer me that.


The data from the Census Bureau is probably not news to anyone. Non-black men are more likely to marry women from every other race except ours. Why is that? Possible reasons:

1. They just don't like us. Its nothing personal, they aren't racist, they just prefer their own women. 
2. They perceive black women as "overly loud, obnoxious, finger snapping, hands on hips, always ready to fight about something" divas. Can we truly blame them for this. So many women have confused being a "strong black woman" with being a "bitch".
3. Other races don't see us as beautiful and never get past the exterior. We are too dark, not skinny enough, etc. They are used to "white" perceptions of beauty and there are not a lot of black women that "fit" this criteria.
4. Black women are the ones applying race to this issue. Many of us don't even want to consider men outside of our race. Black men have very little problem with going outside their race but we stay within. We don't give that white guy the time of day (on the rare occasion that he decides to talk to us).

Before you say to yourself, "well who cares what the other races think, we shouldn't listen to them", think about it.

If we keep saying "We are awesome and have no reason to change because one day black men are going to realize their mistake and come back", we'll all be waiting till hell freezes over. The statistics are stacked against us. Unless you have a plan to change these statistics, there is going to be a huge problem of black women who want to get married but never do because they are waiting for a black man to sweep them off their feet. Oh wait, that problem is already happening.

I am not advocating for bleaching skin, plastic surgery, etc to fit the "white" ideal. We must simply realize that it is too late for our generation to change this situation for ourselves. It really is.

We have to approach this like women's suffrage. It took decades to convince the powers that be that they should allow women to vote. It will take decades to convince society that black women are a viable option for other races.

As black women we have to be our own PR agents. We have to promote positive images of ourselves and maybe one day, in our children's children generation, young black women will truly not be "obligated" to marry only black men and we too can pick and choose like the "brothas" are doing right now.

All Ye Who Drive Frequently

This past weekend I had my first driving lesson. I actually drove the car around a high school, made turns, stopped at stop signs, etc. It was fun but extremely nerve wracking. All I kept thinking was, if I run into someone in this thing I could kill them!

It was my very first time behind the wheel and I was so nervous! Before this weekend I swear I didn't even know that the right pedal is to accelerate and left one is to brake. I also didn't know that you only use one foot (right) on both pedals and your left leg simply rests alongside the pedals. Lol. Its funny but I've never had a reason to care about these things; someone was always there to drive me (see family driver and more recently my dad and Alpa Chino).

I now have a completely new respect for every driver on the road. I'm surprised we don't have more car accidents in this country. This is probably because it was only my first lesson, and I'm sure I'll be as carefree as the rest of you soon enough. I did have trouble staying on the right side of the road (literally) after making turns. Also, I would slow down to go over a speed bump and because I was focused on slowing down at the appropriate moment I would find the car coasting to the left after a speed bump. Maybe the Nigerian in me is causing me to drive on the wrong side? Ah well.

I have another class scheduled for this coming Saturday (only time I was available) and hopefully it goes better. I only went as fast as 11mph (according to the display). and I am already experiencing heart palpitations at the idea that one day I will actually be able to switch lanes!

Also, this single driving lesson has cured me of one of my many strange turn-ons. I have always thought it was "cool" when a guy drove leaning back in the car and holding the steering wheel with one hand. Now, I think it is the stupidest thing in the world after seeing how hard it is to steer with both hands. Mogaji used to say I was silly, for liking the "one-handed lean back" pose, and I now agree with her.


We shall see how it goes...I really want to get my license in time for all the warm weather. The NYS driving test is only about 10 to 15 minutes long. I'm sure with enough practice I can pass and get my license. I'm just not sure I'll ever be truly comfortable behind the wheel. Thank God Alpa Chino has a license. I feel bad because he thinks when I get my license I'll stop asking him to drive me to places. Ha!!

"Silent Scandals" & "Emerald" aka Genevieve and Majid Lovefest

During the most recent installment of Snowpocaplyse 2010 (the week before this one) we got a snow day on a Friday. You can't imagine how excited I was to have a 3 day weekend!

During this time off, Mogaji and I were extremely bored. So, looking for something to do, I suggested Nigerian movies. Normally this wouldn't even be an option but we were both current on our weekly TV shows--even stuff we don't usually watch--and there were no Hollywood (or Bollywood) movies that held any interest. So, as a last resort we went in search of a Nigerian movie that we could watch and make fun of. We found two.

Silent Scandals

This wasn't a bad movie at all. In fact, my new favorite pairing in Nollywood is Majid Michel and Genevieve Nnaji. The storyline was great (though it had some holes) and at least it didn't inspire the usual bellyache laughter that is usually our response to Nigerian movies and Nigerian "acting". We actually sat through the whole thing (Parts 1 & 2) with very little to complain about. I love Genevieve, she acts well, dresses well, and God bless whoever applies her make-up. Some of the other actresses in Nollywood dress like they are trying to look like hookers on purpose, they also can't speak English properly, and seem obsessed with the "black lip liner and lip gloss" combination. It just looks tacky!

As for Majid, I think he is cute; though his voice gets a little bit too high for my liking sometimes. Also his grasp of the English language is not as great as it could be, but he has a great face and body so all is forgiven. This movie was not bad AT ALL. Good job to the cast and crew.

Then, because I now love the combination of Majid and Genevieve, I decided to look for another movie starring the two of them, and found this one:

Emerald

This movie left me FLABBERGASTED. It has 4 parts! I didn't know that when we started watching it. At first it had an interesting story line, and Genevieve and Majid are a great pairing, but it fell apart after part 2. When the movie FINALLY ended I just wanted to strangulate somebody. It tried so hard to avoid having a cliche storyline that it became a piece of crap movie instead. If you love yourselves you will avoid this movie altogether. Just rubbish. At least I got to see some smoking scenes between Majid and Genevieve. I think he got slapped like 4 times in this movie? Poor guy. The only two people in the movie who correctly pronounced the word "emerald" were Genevieve and Majid. Everyone else had variations: "A-marild", "A-mayrald", "Eee-mayral", "Ee-mee-rald". Na wah for Naija people oh!

Sidebar: Tonto Dike is in this movie. I think she is pretty and has a nice curvy body but the way she dresses...JEEZ. Must everything be tight and exposing? Na wah oh. I can't count how many times I saw her bra and the wardrobe malfunctions waiting to happen. Na wah!

As Mogaji and I were watching the movies, she complained that Majid's characters were always too "sexually agressive". As in shove the girl against the wall and start passionately kissing because the rising lust is overpowering kind of aggressive. You see her life? That is the type of man I like! This is not an invitation for any man-handling. I'm just saying that in consensual make-out sessions (and other things) seeing a man not fully "in control" can be...ahem.

Sha if you are bored one day and looking for Naija movies, try Silent Scandals and stay the hell away from Emerald for your own safety.

P.S: if you have any other suggestions for Naija movies with the two of them (Genevieve and Majid) I'm all ears!

Random News

First and foremost, after months of procrastinating, yours truly finally made it to the DMV to get a permit. Watch out New York, there's a new learner driver in town! Hope you're current on your car insurance payments everyone! I begin taking driving classes on Saturday and have already called the driving school to arrange all this. My plan is to be comfortable driving by the time I go for my little weekend getaway in April.

Speaking of a getaway, did I tell y'all I'm making a little trip next month? I'll be going to my 2nd favorite city in the U.S. Ch-eye-kago (say it all at once quickly). This is a business trip and therefore tax deductible--at least as far as the IRS is concerned. So, if you see me on Michigan Avenue shopping, just shh...

Also new this week, Facebook friend requests. All of a sudden I am now getting requests from random people that I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW. Its nothing personal. Its just that I don't know who these people are. I use Facebook to keep in touch with my FRIENDS, not to add every Tom, Dick, and Bolanle that come my way. I have denied at least 4 this week. What gives? Its always guys too, because you know females are more cautious who they add. My goal is to keep my friends' list between 150 to 200 and every once in a while I actually go through and delete people (like I'm trimming a garden hedge). I know Facebook is for "social networking" but its getting too much like Myspace for my liking.

In other news, I am so in love...with Ciao Bella Mango Sorbet. It tastes GREAT, is completely fat free, and one serving has WAY less calories than ice-cream. This stuff is like guilt free crack for me. Yesterday I was on the phone with Alpa Chino and even though it was 1am I still went downstairs to get a few scoops. Anyone who knows me will realize what a great feat this is. Usually when its that late I refuse to go downstairs for any non-emergency. I get mine from Target, you should try it! Thank me later.

I know its only March but are any of you coming to NYC for the Nigerian reunion this July? Clearly I will be at some of the events, because I live here, but will any of you be there? We should have a blogsville meeting! (Or something). By the way if any of you awesome readers have "ins" at NRC can you get me reduced registration fees? Last year it was $80 (which isn't bad at all), but I'm always looking for the cheapest method. Its still a recession oh! I don't care what any "indicators" show.

I actually have a blog post to write now. Just felt like sharing some of my "news" with y'all.

The 5th Joyful Mystery...

Today, I shall be discussing a very personal issue. Prayer. As some of you know, occasionally during the week, my father drives me to work (because I STILL don't have my license). He also prays in the car every day and on the days he drives me to work I have to join that prayer. A few times I have tried to avoid the prayer by keeping quiet but he always insists I join in. This tradition of praying in the car was actually started by my mother when I was still in elementary school in Nigeria. My father has now taken over as the "prayer initiator" or what I quietly call  the "prayer tyrant". Some of you may think this prayerfulness is great. After all, in our house in Nigeria we had a painting that said "A family that prays together, stays together". (If you believe that to be true then I pray for you.)

I'll get to my point soon, but first a little background information.

We Catholics have a set of prayers we call "The Mysteries Of The Holy Rosary". There are 4 categories of Mysteries and 5 Mysteries under each category. The 4 categories: Joyful, Glorious, Sorrowful, and The Mysteries of Light. These categories correspond to certain days of the week and are "prayed" on those days. Joyful--Monday & Saturday, Glorious--Wednesday & Sunday, Sorrowful--Tuesday & Friday, and Mysteries of Light--Thursday. The Mysteries are exactly as their name implies. They are mysterious events that happened in the bible that there is no logical explanation for. The prayers remind us of these events and their importance to us as Catholics. For example, one of the Glorious Mysteries is the Resurrection of Jesus, which is a mystery (unless you don't believe in these things).

Sidebar: To begin to call yourself a practicing Catholic, it is important to know little pieces of information like what day goes with what Mystery and why.

Back to my point.

So, my father prays these Mysteries in the car, and when I was younger he would always place emphasis on one Mystery in particular. The 5th Joyful Mystery. This is how he would say it:

Let us remember [dramatic pause] the 5th Joyful Mystery. [shorter pause] The finding of Jesus--PREACHING AT AGE 12--in the temple at Jerusalem.

He would ALWAYS say that part with special emphasis. Why? Because clearly I wasn't preaching in church at age 12, like Jesus. Every Monday on my way to school until I turned 13 and my sister turned 13, whenever he got to the 5th Joyful Mystery, I always prepared myself to be chastised in the form of prayer. Talk about setting unrealistic goals for your child!

I suppose this is an important part of the Nigerian style of raising children--using comparisons to make your child "better". Some of you had to listen to your parents ask you why you couldn't be like your cousins or classmates. I had to deal with the fact that I wasn't like JESUS CHRIST. Can you imagine having to live up to our Lord and Savior as a 10 year old?

Its no wonder now, whenever he gets to the 5th Joyful Mystery, I always listen carefully to see if he will continue to place emphasis on that part. He doesn't--not anymore. Even now, years later, I still get annoyed at the whole thing. The ridiculous part is that his parents never did any of this to him. In fact, christianity in my father's family began in his lifetime. My paternal grandfather worshipped traditional gods until my father was about 10 years old and my father is the youngest in his family!

This reminds me of a point that Azazel made on his blog once. He said, that he has always been surprised at how quickly Africans adopted Christianity and how they have now overtaken the western world in terms of practicing it. Its true. If you think about it, Christianity is not an "African" religion, yet it is probably more widely practiced in Africa than in the West. Why is that?

Just look at my dad. He didn't start the prayer routine but he sure knew how to take it above and beyond what was necessary. Maybe that is the typical mentality?