I am really tired. I should have written this earlier this week, but I was/am REALLY tired.
On Monday as I drove myself to work, with my dad in the car, he mentioned that he saw that I had received my license in the mail. The reason he knew this was because
somebody had opened my letter from the DMV and then after reading it, I suppose, the person tossed the letter on the couch where I nearly missed it when I got back from work.
As much as it pains me when people open my mail, I have come to accept that for as long as I remain at home this is a risk I have to take. Sometimes people simply do not read the names on envelopes and end up opening letters that are not addressed to them (at least this is the reason I have been given when I asked WHY my letters have been opened).
So, when my dad mentioned that he saw that I had received my license, instead of anger I simply sighed and said in a low voice that the mail opening is yet another reason why its time for me to move out.
His response was, "Is that the only reason?". I said, "No, its just that we all don't think the same way about certain things and its best that I move out". I thought that was a pretty straightforward response, but my dad continued..."The question now is, are you still planning to continue in a non-science career?".
Stop the press!
WHAT has my career decision got to do with the fact that I am irritated that
somebody opens my mail and that is one more reason why I have to leave?! Clearly my dad was having a completely separate conversation from the one I was having. So I, calmly, said "Yes."
Then he launched into a "talk" which I will summarize along with the thoughts that went through my mind as he brought up each point:
- You need to go into a career where blacks are in the minority. In science there is a scarcity of black people so you should stay there. (This made no sense to me. Blacks are the minority in every career field that does not involve prison stays, blacks are in the minority--period).
- This country is a racist country, they won't let you get ahead. (To me this completely contradicts the first point, if America is racist why on earth would I want to enter a field where I am in the minority? I am not saying racism doesn't exist but his mentality on race is similar to that of somebody who has never lived in this country. I think one day I will have to write a blog post solely about my dad and the many many MANY ways he absolutely refuses to acknowledge the fact that he is no longer in Nigeria.)
- You have always been really good at Math and Science, why would you want to do something else? (Clearly, math has NOTHING to do with business and once you learn science you can never ever be good at anything else or apply those skills elsewhere. I'm being sarcastic here).
- Medical school is a great option because of the job security. (No arguments with that statement, but, I don't WANT to be a doctor.)
- You don't have to go to medical school to work in science, you can do something else. (Like what? Research is boring, teaching is completely out of the question and I don't really see what other options there are that would interest me as much as my current plan.)
That last part really confused me and I had to say something. So, I said,
If the two of you (my parents) really want a doctor in the family, you have two options. First, The Duchess (my younger sister) really wants to go to medical school and the two of you should probably focus on paying for her college and then medical school. Or, one of you can attend medical school and that will solve the problem. Either way, I am not the one who is going to be helping you with that.
He had no response to that.
I really don't want to resort to cliches but this one is so true--its my life. I know that they have helped raise me but for the love of God Almighty they really need to BACK OFF.
I KNOW they cannot "understand" me. I have had a very different life from what either of them had and it is these differences that are causing all this friction. Ironically
they are mostly responsible for the differences, not me. When I say "different", I am not talking about the different time periods nor am I trying to insinuate that my experiences are better than theirs.
For example, my mother. When she was my age, she worked full time, lived in a city far from her parents, and her mother (my grandmother) did not go to college and so there was no "argument" surrounding career choices or decisions. She never lived at home past college and so never had to deal with any of the tension that arises when people with differing opinions on many things (like mail opening) live in the same house.
Her mother did not argue with her when she made the decision to study something other than medicine, and in the end my mother was able to
make her own decisions.
On the other hand, I work full time, live
at home with my parents, and
my mother is an attorney who has no problems whatsoever with sharing her opinion on what I should and should not do.
If I had done something in the past to warrant this lack of faith that my parents have in my decision making ability, I would completely understand. If I had gotten knocked up in high school or college, if I had failed throughout school, if I was currently relying on both of them for money, if I was/had been a drug addict, if I was careless with money, etc, if I had done
something to explain why they cannot just let me be, I would completely understand their attitudes towards this.
However, I have come to the conclusion that the crime I am responsible for is being the first daughter of Nigerian parents--and its not as if I can change that!
Its f*cking irritating.
I genuinely feel that there is something about being the oldest child that almost guarantees you won't get along with your parents. If you are not the oldest in your family I am not sure you will understand what I mean. I think its the over-zealous parenting of firstborns that is responsible for the distance between oldest children and their parents. We end up getting more attention from our parents and the result is that firstborns end up living under a never ending, highly critical, constantly pushy microscope--until they "escape". Personally I don't know many firstborns that are as close to their parents as their younger siblings. Do you?
Ironically, I have seen quite a few studies that have reached the conclusion that firstborn children are more likely to succeed
because of all the pressure and attention they get from their parents. Apparently oldest children score better on standardized test scores, have higher IQs, are more likely to go to college, have higher incomes later in life, are more likely to be CEOs, are more likely to strive for more, and they're less likely to engage in risky behavior.
Great. The odds are in my favor. Now can somebody let my parents know that I appreciate all their hard work and they have done enough for me that they can relax a bit?! Sheesh.
I have quite given up on trying to help the both of them see my point of view. I really wish it was easier for us to get along but in the end, we will all be just fine and I will soon move out, hopefully.
When I say OPPOSITES I am referring to big issues. The two of you can probably live happily ever after if you like country music and he likes hip-hop. Your relationship will probably survive if one of you enjoys reading fiction and the other enjoys non-fiction. However, there are certain things that two people should not be "opposite" about. 
