Nobody ever tells you this, so I am doing it for you. Whoever you choose to be your first, it is very likely he wont be your last--yes, even if you are married. You know what the kicker really is, though? You'll get over it.
Sex is important. It can be "magical" if it is with the right person. Waiting for it can build up the "awesomeness" of the experience. But you know what, waiting can also lead to some bad decisions.
At work I got into a little conversation with one of the older women in the office. She mentioned her ex-husband, who she had known since middle school and ended up marrying straight out of high school when she was around 18.
She talked about how everything had gone so smoothly in the beginning of their marriage. For almost 6 years they had had a terrific time, until she had her first child and the responsibilities piled up. Then her husband became...well, different.
When this co-worker was asked why she got married to him in the first place she said that she had always been told that you had to get married to have sex and so she got married--to have guilt free sex--and the marriage turned out to be a huge mistake.
Hearing this made me raise my eyebrows. Lets all remember this woman is in her 50's and grew up in a different time, but we all know there are people who still feel this way. There are people who are still raised to think this way and end up making bad choices because of this.
I am not advocating that everybody should have pre-marital sex. I'm just saying that if marriage is on your mind because of sexual tension then you are making a big mistake. Quite honestly, I think its better to have sex before marriage than to get married because you want to have sex.
Of course, I don't know that the people who actually engage in this sort of marriage actually realize that this is what they are doing. After all this woman said she didn't realize it until much later.
I have heard people say that being in an abstinence based relationship allows you to focus on truly learning more about the person and if they will be the right one for you. But I ask, how can you focus on learning more about a person if all you can think about is boning them?
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I say, have sex, clear your head, learn more about the person, and if the person is wrong for you then cut your losses and keep it moving. Of course this is easier said than done, but the important thing is that it can be done. It has been done, and you'll be just fine. Trust me, I know.
I am not advocating jumping into bed with somebody right when you meet them.
All I'm saying is, there is a certain point in a relationship where the sexual tension (if it exists at all) begins to cloud judgment and when you get to that point, perhaps its in your best interest to give in and get back to the point of actually learning more about this person.
I don't think I've ever really told anyone the complete, unabridged, and unedited, version of my "first." It didn't happen in high school, that would have been too much of a cliche. I went into it with my eyes wide open. There was no bleeding, there was no crying, there were no hysterics, nothing surprised me, it wasn't even as romantic as it could have been--but it was real. We tried to be in a relationship after that, but it was a waste of time--for both of us. We grew apart, and that was that.
Am I still alive today? Clearly.
Do I have residual trauma from the fact that this guy is not currently my husband and the father of my children? Nope.
Virginity is an admirable trait--especially in this day and age--but I think, and I know people who will agree, that it has a downside.
Obviously this is simply my opinion and you don't have to agree with it.
Just think about it.
In other news, I have developed a STRONG fondness for 30 Seconds To Mars. So I'm sharing the video to Hurricane. This very censored version of the video has been making the rounds on MTV and Youtube.
Please note this is a very random and strange video that is a bit long. I'm still not sure I completely understand all the political/social/sexual undertones but, I love the song, love the video, love the band, have the hots for Jared Leto, there's a few cool fight scenes, and the video is shot in everyone's favorite city (NYC). I even love the remix of this song featuring Kanye West.
Hurricane - 30 Seconds to Mars
I've seen the uncensored version. If you're interested, its on their website and features some ahem...more strangeness.
Other awesome songs by 30 Second To Mars: Kings and Queens, A Beautiful Lie, Closer To The Edge.
