In my post, "On Reverse Marriage Proposals, Leap Day Is Fast Approaching" I shared my thoughts on the reverse marriage proposal i.e. when a woman proposes to a man.Myne Whitman (Nigerian author and blogger) also wrote a post about this, where she shared a quote from my post. So I went over to her blog to see what the comments would be like.
Most people seemed to agree that reversal proposals are not for them at least, but there was one comment in particular that made me think.
A section of the comment that gave me pause:
We all watch this films,so if we can copy their wedding traditions,their wedding gowns,their wedding styles and everything western....pray tell,why can't we go the long way and propose. Yeah yeah i hear you this is Africa right?...but trust me,if i see or hear of a marrried couple where d gel propped d question,i'l respect d lady. Lets be factual in this issue. I'm a feminist to the core and an African woman in totality,but in this kind of matter,let her say d say jare.I agree with the first half, why can't Africans follow through with the "western" ideals they copy so much? However that is a post for another day. The part that struck me is where she writes, "I'm feminist to the core and an African woman in totality" as if the two are mutually exclusive. I don't agree but it did make me ask, if I call myself a feminist shouldn't I be pro-reverse marriage proposals?
We all know, or should know, that in the US women outnumber men in terms college education. This is something that has been happening since the 80's. Add to this the fact that the recession has made it ridiculously impossible to find a real job without a college degree and in a few years we could be looking at a new "order" where women are doing better than men.
Of course, this may never happen because there are many women who will give up that hard earned "leverage" over men to start a family, raise kids, support their partner, etc. I don't fault them for this. The point of having rights is being able to choose what you want and for those that want to forgo career achievement for achievement at home, more power to them. Lets not get into the "having both" conversation either, something has to give during crunch time.
When it comes to marriage proposals--as a feminist--I say let men do the asking. Why take this away from them? Must we do all the work in a relationship including taking it to the next step?
Of course the reverse proposal is not an epidemic, but little changes lead to big changes. As women we are always so ready to express our emotions and be vulnerable. A proposal is one of the rare times when it is okay, accepted, and expected for a man to be the emotional and vulnerable one. Let him do it, it will be good for him!
I guess what I am saying here is that women need to stop making things so easy for men. Let him propose, let him put work and effort into the act, let him get nervous about asking, let him. There are so many other ways to be "empowered' in a relationship, allow him this.
If my logic means I have to turn in my feminist card, you can pry it from my cold dead hands!
Of course, if he is proposing we hope he doesn't propose like this guy!
Have a great weekend everyone.
